Before You Say “I Do,” Ask Yourself These 11 Questions

Self-reflection is a good practice to maintain, especially after you get engaged. If you think you’ve found your forever partner, ask yourself some foundational questions.

You’ll be the most beautiful, confident bride once you’re sure about your answers before settling into your life together.

 

1. What Does Marriage Mean to Me?

Marriage can have many definitions. It is often seen as a lifelong partnership with someone you love. How much emotional or financial support do you seek from your partner?

Do you imagine a monogamous relationship or an open dynamic? Regardless, your companionship should bring peace and stability to your life. Once you know what marriage means to you, you can have better conversations with your fiance about whether they feel similarly.

 

2. Why Is Having a Wedding Important?

There’s plenty of pressure for engaged couples to quickly plan big weddings. While you should have a gorgeous day to celebrate the love you share, take a moment to reflect on why having a ceremony is important to you.

Do you value the same symbolism and potential religious meaning that your parents, family members or friends want you to experience? Take time to determine what makes the ceremony meaningful according to your values. By discussing your answer with your fiance, you’ll be able to plan the best ceremony for your relationship.

 

3. How Will Marriage Impact My Career?

Will you and your spouse both have jobs? The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found that 49.6% of married couples have arrangements where both partners have jobs, and the other half of households rely on a single working spouse.

You might picture yourself being a stay-at-home mom until your kids get old enough to attend grade school. Alternatively, you may hope your partner stays home to look after the household while you go to work. Many factors can impact an individual’s ability to work. It’s important to discuss career aspirations with your fiance and how they may impact your home life together.

 

4. Does Marriage Mean Having Children?

People will likely ask you many curious, well-meaning questions when you get married. Some may quickly ask when you’re having kids and want details about how you plan to raise them. Does your wedding day feel like a stepping stone toward starting a family?

Or do you envision a childfree future? Knowing the answer for yourself before discussing it with your fiance will help you determine the best path forward for your personal happiness.

 

5. How Do I Feel About Divorce?

Thinking about divorce after getting engaged might seem discouraging, but it’s a potential outcome. An individual’s view on divorce might be influenced by their personal, cultural or religious background. States have different standards and processes for divorces. For example, Pennsylvanian couples only have to wait 90 days to divorce if both parties consent, while other states have much longer waiting periods.

Reflecting on the legal steps, religious weight and your personal feelings connected to divorce. You and your fiance should discuss your views on divorce and how you intend to navigate long-term challenges.

 

6. How Do I Want My Marriage to Grow?

Marriages are constantly evolving. Your connection with your future spouse will change as you experience hardships and successes. Thinking about how you want to grow with your partner will help you define your ongoing dynamic.

Some people may want a partnership, while others prefer a traditional union founded on gender roles. Thinking about what kind of relationship you want with your fiance will make the future clearer. Your preferences could also change if you think that dynamic is possible with your current partner.

7. What Conflict Skills Am I Bringing to the Table?

Marriages thrive when both people work on their conflict resolution skills. You don’t need to be an expert before getting married because it’s an ongoing process. Reflect on what interpersonal tools you use to resolve fights.

Maybe you’ve spent time working on self-love, which helped you develop emotional regulation abilities that keep you grounded during disagreements. If you’re unsure about your conflict skills, you could read educational books or take classes that make your future union more fulfilling.

 

8. When Would Couples Counseling Seem Necessary?

People might think that couples counseling is where people go when they’re on the brink of divorce. While this is true for many couples, you may be more open to regular check-ins with a therapist.

Ask yourself when you would ask your future spouse to attend sessions together. If they’re open to the idea, you might enjoy relationship tuneups that help your marriage last longer.

 

9. Where Do My Partner and I Stand on Spirituality?

Married couples might share spiritual or religious views, hold their own beliefs or live a secular lifestyle. Consider which dynamic you envision for your future and ask for your fiance’s thoughts. Do you want your future spouse to attend religious ceremonies with you?

Can you envision a future where your partner attends spiritual gatherings and you don’t? Consider how you feel about the various scenarios to determine how you want to respect your potential spiritual differences.

 

10. What Traditions Should We Uphold in Our Marriage?

Couples often uphold rituals that stretch back to their childhood, like celebrating specific holidays or doing couples activities they saw their parents do. Everyday rituals create meaningful personal histories and stronger connections with those who share them.

Consider what traditions you want to carry into married life and how you might enjoy making new traditions with your future spouse. It can be easier to picture and discuss your relationship when you know which traditions you value.

 

11. What Relationship Do I Want With My In-Laws?

Many married couples have complex relationships with their in-laws. What kind of connection do you want for yourself? You may prefer being close with your in-laws, such as if you don’t have that with your parents or if you simply value having a connection with your fiance’s parents. Maybe you don’t feel a need to be close with your in-laws, or they are no longer in your future spouse’s life.

Compare your answers to the relationship you currently have with your future in-laws. There may be room for growth, depending on how they cultivate interpersonal connections.

 

Prepare for Marriage With Self-Reflection

Asking yourself important questions before getting married will make your relationship better. If you know what you value, you can ensure that your union will be everything you need to feel happy before any growth begins. You’ll also have better conversations with your fiance about what future you want if you know what’s best for you.

 

 

Author Bio: Oscar Collins is the editor-in-chief at Modded, where he writes about a broad spectrum of topics. Follow him on Twitter @TModded for frequent updates on his work.

 

 

 

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